House to Home

We are so blessed to be living in a house that we, for all intents and purposes, own. It's been a long, long journey that I will gladly tell about in another post. For now, I am going to share my struggle to keep perspective. After all, I did claim that this blog was about my struggles and occasional victories in the minutia of life.

We've been living here now for eight months. There is this part of me that wants the house to be perfectly decorated, where everything has it's place, and looks "just so." This part of me is constantly clawing to take over every other part of my thinking in regards to the house. The house is great, but wouldn't it be better if... If we had a mantle over the fireplace, if Audrey's room was decorated the way I want it, if all the walls were painted like an interior decorator was hired, if there was a blooming garden in the front and back, if the backyard had a retention wall, and for that matter, a full size cinder block wall to keep the desert out, if the pack rat in the shed was gone, if the cabinets in the kitchen were redone, and we added a bank of cabinets, etc., etc., etc.

There are several reasons why all of this and more cannot be accomplished. Probably the reason why none of this has been done despite everything else is that, it takes a lot of money to do all these things. Some of the projects are fairly cheap, others are a pretty penny, overall, it's a small fortune. But there's also the factor of time. It takes a long time to build up a garden. It takes time to accomplish DIY kitchen and home projects. And it certainly takes time to build a 40 foot long, 6 foot high cinder block wall. It also takes a certain amount of knowledge. I should know the best way to sand and then either paint or stain the kitchen cabinets. I wouldn't even know where to begin to build another bank of cabinets and possibly a "work space." I should know exactly which colors I should paint individual walls and rooms as a whole.

Blah, blah, blah. I could go on about all of these things, and most of you would probably understand how I am feeling. Right now, life does not feel "settled" like I think it should. I have a blue wall in my living room, but no art hanging on the wall. If perhaps I had something hanging there, then I would feel like that room (or area of the room) was finished, or settled. But as it stands, almost every time I look at that wall, I feel stressed out that it is left undone, incomplete, and needing attention. I long for that time in my life, and in this house, when I feel settled, and comfortable with how things look and how they're organized. I long to not have the next project, especially the ones that I know we have to save for, hanging over my head. But what's the real problem here? It's not that my house is not in an "orderly" fashion. It's not that the house needs actual improvements (like the retaining wall to keep the backyard from eroding entirely away.) It's not that when I look at other people's home that are finished, I feel a sense of inadequacy. The problem is my heart.

Where is my heart in all of this? I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to take care of my home, and taking pleasure in making things beautiful (painting, art, etc.). What I think is wrong is that I spend SO MUCH TIME thinking on these things. What if I have all these things done so that my house is exactly how I want it, but I do not have love? The Bible says I have nothing, if that is the case. Really, what good is it to have a beautiful home if I don't use it for the Glory of God?  If I have a beautifully decorated home, but my relationship with my family is ugly, what then?

My point is, it shouldn't matter that my home is in a perpetual state of improvement.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." 

This verse isn't talking about the physical accomplishments of man. God is not necessarily concerned with who can make things the best of everyone else. He wants us to embody an attitude like this verse. We aren't supposed to bother our minds and our hearts with whether our homes are settled. We are to think on the blessings, on the good things that we see in people, on the abundant examples of God's grace in our lives, and around the world. When we retrain our minds to think on the positive that God provides, then all of the little things that once bothered us suddenly seem so insignificant. And when we retrain our minds to think on those things, it becomes of utmost importance to us to act on them. And that's when we are acting in God's will most effectively.

It's not always easy because the devil likes to strike us where we're already weak. He knows that I struggle with worrying about how my house looks, and he lies to me and tells me that I am right to worry about it. ("You can't possibly invite people over when your house looks like that, Tammera.") God says otherwise though. We know that God provides for all of our needs, and he certainly has! I don't need my house to look like it was designed by an interior decorator in order to minister to my family and friends. We have food, water, clothing, and shelter, and I am still breathing. That's pretty much what we need to make an impact for God's Kingdom. 

Instead of being stressed out by what is not finished, I will strive to set my mind on Christ and on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise. I think in doing so, I will find much more rest and peace in my mind and heart. My perspective, I am confident, will shift from a worldly point of view, to a Kingdom point of view. 

PS - Every time I set out to write a post, I think, "this one won't be very long." Then I end up writing a wee novella. I apologize for my long-winded tendencies.