Picking up where I left off.
I was fourteen years old when I went to live with the Browns. The ten days that I was supposed to have stayed with them, came and went. Even in that short amount of time, I could tell that the world I had been raised in, was vastly different from the environment in this household. I wanted more than ten days, I wanted permanent. The apartment that my parents were able to rent, had two bedrooms, and one bathroom. Since there were several boys, and just one girl, I was put in the dining room to sleep, with a cubicle wall to give me privacy. I didn't think too much of it then, but looking back, I cry for that teenage girl.
It strikes me now, that at this point, I had no clue how Paul, Debbie or Melissa felt about my living with them. In any case, somehow a deal was struck. They invited me to live with them part time, and I took what I could get. Sometimes I would stay with them just for the weekends, and sometimes I would stay with them for a week, and then at home for a week. It may not have been expressed adequately back then (my family didn't talk about feelings, so I didn't know how to), but I hope that they know how greatful I was, and still am, for not just their hospitality, but for their rescue of me. This again, is one those times that I remember God's love. However, you can't just throw a person into a family, and expect there to be no kinks to work out.
Melissa is not Paul and Debbie's only daughter. She is the youngest of three, Sarah being the oldest and Jenny right in between. By the time I got there, Sarah was married and out of the house, Jenny was engaged, working full time and going to school full time. She was married the summer after I came to the family. That left Melissa and I by ourselves most of the time. We loved like sisters, and we fought like sisters... a lot. It's funny now, but back then, in the midst of teenage craziness, it was real, and somewhat intense. The fighting is just part of the bonding though. As we fought, we also grew closer. We would often make night time trips to target, and come home with a bunch of crap to redecorate our rooms with, using money that neither of us really should have spent. Debbie would also chastise us for spending the money, but I think she liked seeing us bond in that way, and so she was never too harsh. Melissa and I jumped into sisterhood without hesitation, but my relationship with Paul and Debbie was slow-going, and often confusing. Where was the balance between their role in my life, and my own parents' role?
To the credit of both of them, they didn't force things, too much. A lot of our relationship centered around their gentle admonition, and teaching me Christ-like behavior. Night times with Debbie were like therapy sessions (she has a way of getting to the heart of the matter). Before long, she knew my life story, and she challenged me to move beyond my fears and break down walls. Paul led by example. He woke early every morning to study God's word and worked hard for his family. He and I shared a love of music, specifically, singing. We often sang together on the praise team at church, and he helped our youth group's singing group as well. I felt closer to, and received more love from these two "strangers" than I ever did in my own home. It was clear then, that I was bound to this family. There were times when I was terrified that it would end, but who was I to question devine intervention?
By the time high school was over, my step mom had left and had taken her sons with her. My brother was scarcely at home, and I couldn't take the sad state of the apartment anymore. I asked my dad if I could live with the Brown's full time. He complied. I was torn by guilt, and joyess freedom. Though I always make an effort to include my dad in my life, I know he was hurt by that.
Not knowing what I wanted to do really, I started attending the local community college. Having lived together for several years now, Melissa and I grew together and the fighting got less dramatic and less frequent. I attended college for a couple of years earning credit towards my general education classes, while also working part time. I took a semester off college to join a touring Christian singing group. Paul and Debbie started a college-age Bible study. Jenny moved away with her husband. Sarah and her husband had a baby. Jenny and husband came back, and then also had a baby. Melissa got married and moved out. It came time for me to choose a university to attend.
Intimidated by the process, and fearful of the debt I was likely to incur, I started looking for other options. For some reason, I couldn't get the idea of enlisting in the Air Force out of my head. Never one to stop and think rationally about my options, I signed up. (I should say that during these years between beginning my relationship with the Browns until I joined the Air Force, there are many details that I am leaving out for the sake of keeping a blog to a readable length. There are so many things though, that I can see God's handiwork in. Maybe in the future, I will detail a few of those experiences, but they really deserve their own post.) Joining the Air Force, though I didn't know it, was an unmistakeable act of God. The experiences I had during my enlistment, definitely bring me to tears, even today. They are among the times that God has proven His infinite love for me, even in the midst of my disobedience.
Don't worry, there will be a part three.
