Motherhood

There is so much meaning behind this one word. I often wonder if I am doing "motherhood" correctly. It's not just that I have given birth to and am currently feeding, clothing, bathing and protecting three human beings. Motherhood is so much more involved than that.

I keep thinking about my children in the future. Will they be secure enough in my love for them, that they won't go looking for compensation somewhere else? And more importantly than that, will they be secure in Christ's love for them so that after all the times I fail, they will still not go looking for compensation?

Today I read a blog about children who are getting neglected because their parents are so "plugged in." The blogger called it "inattention neglect," I think. I began to ponder whether my kids have suffered because of my inattention. It didn't take long for me to come to the conclusion that yes, they have. Maybe not constantly or or even regularly, but there have been times that I tell my daughter to wait to ask me a question because I am responding to a text, or reading a post on Facebook. And when I nurse my newborn and should be reveling in in beauty, I am instead playing on my phone. Oh, that is SO wrong of me.

Sometimes I even try to justify it. I think, "I just need a quick break." Let's face it, being a full time mama is not always easy. There are moments when I truly do need a break. In fact, I have begun locking my bedroom door when I use the bathroom in my room, just to have a few minutes of privacy. But trying to find that break by texting or facebooking is just going to lead to frustration for my children and for myself.

So, how do I show my kids I love them in ways that are real to them? Of course I feed them. That is real, but that is also obligatory. Here are some ideas I have come up with. They are so simple, and probably everybody knows them. In the long run, though, they will pave the way to meaningful relationships in the future. And it starts with putting down the phone, closing the computer, and turning off the television.

1) Look at them when they are talking to me. (Not at the computer/phone/tv.)
2) Be excited with them when they accomplish something.
3) Show interest in whatever they're interested in at the moment. (My son brings me rocks from the backyard. They're treasures to him, and should be to me as well, at least for the moment.)
4) Ask about what they did during quiet time/Sunday school/at a friend's house/grandparents' house/school (when they get to that age.)
5) Don't underestimate physical affection. Hugs and kisses every time I get a chance.
6) Actually suggest an activity to do together.
7) Sit down together at the table for meals.
8) Read books and talk about the story together.
9) Talk to them about Christ and let them ask questions.

There is one common thread in all of these ideas. Togetherness. It cannot be overdone.
The problem is, I often feel such a burden to keep the house clean, get the bills paid, feed the pets, do the grocery shopping, etc. This burden weighs so heavily at times that I find myself running out of not just time, but energy. And what energy I do have left, is all-too-often directed at something other than my beautiful babies.

The cure for this is also simple though, maybe not always easy. I have to ask myself, "Am I doing the right things today, that will set us up for a good relationship in the future?" And, "Is it more important to have a clean house, or happy children?"And lastly, most importantly, "Can my children see God's love for them, through my caring for them?"

I know I will fail as I have always done. But if Jesus can take time out of His most important tasks to bless the children, then surely I can, too. After all, they won't remember that the house was never clean. What they will remember is that I took time to get to know them.

Jesus, please help me to stay focused on the Task at hand. It is by your will that I am a mother at all, and I pray that I am faithful with this work you have entrusted to me. Give me the strength to not just "get through" the day, but to embrace every moment with my children with all of my attention. When I am tired, fill me up. Let me seek you, and be renewed with energy and a passion for my children. I've heard that these years will go by quickly, so help me to treasure every moment, even when I feel overwhelmed. For even you beckoned the children to your side. Shine through my actions, my words, and my heart. And may they know who you are in spite of my weaknesses. Amen.